Creating the life you want

Professor of digital social science at Uni Helsinki

How do you create the life you want? There are an endless number of self-help books that try to answer this question. I haven’t read any of them. Still, here I will describe my understanding, based on my own experiences and no one else’s. To what extent this applies to others, I do not really know, but perhaps my experiences will help you in finding your own way of creating.

Here is how I do it, and how I progress in learning on how to do it. The list is borne out of years of trying different ways and observing the results. Based on how my life events are unfolding, and have been unfolding for the past years, I seem to be getting pretty good results pretty fast. In the past year, I have: started this blog, begun a new line of work as a healer/coach, founded the first company ever in my life, then begun as a university professor for the first time, as well as healed myself from appendicitis without having the prescribed operation. What a year!

And therefore it is time to share the experiences and see if these steps of creation can benefit you too. Enjoy! May this be for the benefit of all beings in all universes.

This post contains: The nine steps of creation, Explanation for each step, On the usefulness of prior inner work, and Words of caution.

The nine steps of creation

  1. Prepare good external and internal conditions for creating an optimal outcome.
  2. Ask all help that is for the highest good.
  3. Decide to let go of all opposition and resistance within, related to this creation.
  4. Intend, that whatever you create now, works towards the highest good for all beings.
  5. Visualize what you wish to create.
  6. Intend, that THIS is what I wish to create, while holding the coherent vision in your mind.
  7. Let go of your creation.
  8. Thank all the help you received, and will receive.
  9. Observe and pay attention to events as they unfold. Learn.

 

Krista with Al Pacino
Krista meeting Al Pacino in 2016

 

Ëxplanation for each step

  1. Prepare good external and internal conditions for creating an optimal outcome.
    Practical means of preparation might include: cleaning the physical space and making it comfortable, lighting a fire or a candle, and playing suitable music. Or having a good night’s sleep, taking a walk in the nature, having a wonderful, relaxing conversation with a friend. Regarding your state of mind, you may wish to center yourself, to be well seated within your own body, to bring all parts of you within the body, to clear, balance, stabilize all within you, and to contact your inner light at the center of your being. You might also wish to bless yourself, bless everyone you have been or will be in contact today, and bless the work that you are about to do here.
  2. Ask all help that is for the highest good.
    Highest good refers to events that work towards the optimal course for all beings. This is much more powerful request than asking for help from a specific source. At the same time the wish is protected by the phrase “for the highest good”: It rules out any self-serving “helpers” who do not act in your best interest. However, this request will only reach sources of help that you have a connection with, that are able to contact you. Working in a group of friends, a much wider variety of help will be available for creating any outcome. This makes group co-creations much more likely to work well than individual ones.
  3. Decide to let go of all opposition and resistance within, related to this creation. Do it: Let go! Repeat as long as necessary. Let go from all internal states: Visit consciously all internal states that you are aware of within yourself, and decide to let go of resistance towards this creation. For example, you can work this in terms of the Archetypes (do inner work to recognize your own archetypes): The Mother, the Father, the Child. Various wounded states might also include: The Victim, the Judge, the Perpetrator, the Thief, the Creator, the Starving, the Unseen one, the Unloved one, the Unaccepted one, the Masochist. Visit each state by deciding that you now seek to go to that state….then go there. Then decide to let go of all opposition and resistance towards this act of creation.
  4. Intend, that whatever you create now, works towards the highest good for all beings. Make a decision that you wish to create an event that is on the “optimal timeline” for all. Commit yourself to this, decide to work for the highest good of all beings.
  5. Visualize what you wish to create. Start with something small and concrete. For example: you might wish to create a visit from a long-lost friend, or a gathering of friends. This needs to be done without specifying a particular individual: you cannot cross free will of other Creators. So, make sure your Creation leaves enough space so that whoever is willing to answer your call for contact will answer it by choice. In particular, describe how the visit would feel: what good and pleasant qualities it would have. While doing this, if you recognize thoughts that are objections to whatever you wish to create, these objections are real obstacles. If you say within yourself “but this is not possible because this, that and those factors…” then likely the creation will fail. You are contradicting yourself while you create, your own “left hand” thinking destroys whatever you are building with the “right hand”. So, either find an outcome that you are able to agree upon within yourself, or apply any means you can to remove the contradictions from your mind before proceeding. Also phrasing your wish in negation, such as “there will be no quarrel” is an obstacle, because you are imagining a quarrel while visualizing the outcome. You might then get a quarrel – the “no” word does not make a difference. Instead, you might wish to imagine a harmonious, pleasant, lively, enriching and fulfilling meeting of friends, one that is joyous and will leave everyone uplifted spiritually and in a state of thorough emotional satisfaction.
  6. Intend, that THIS is what I wish to create, while holding the coherent vision in your mind. Make a point, for example stomp your foot on the ground to stress that this is it. I decide this. Remember, do not harm other beings. Asking for good things for yourself is perfectly fine. Asking for something that is good for you and for others, is the best choice. Asking for something that is good for others but forgets your own needs, is a recipe of slower or faster self-destruction. It cannot be on the optimal timeline. If you have trouble asking for good things for yourself, there is a reason. Work on finding and resolving it, healing it, letting go of it.
  7. Let go of your creation. Release it – do not hold onto it with your ordinary mind. It is no longer your job. Trying to control it will not help, it will prevent the vision from materializing. Trust the universe now, or trust the vast completeness of your Self that is much bigger than you realize. Trust your own intuition and the course of events that will proceed. You may at different points feel a natural, intuitive pull to act a certain way in a situation that will contribute to the materializing of your creation. Listen to these inner guidances and outer synchronities. Listen to the events in your life and gently let them float you beyond corners that you did not know of, did not see, towards the outcome you visualized. You have now prepared your own mind, its conscious and unconscious parts, towards the route that is likely to materialize whatever you wished. You have now used all your own gifts and talents and all the available help for this outcome. Whether it materializes as you wished or not, pay attention. Learn. Repeat to learn more about how your own mind works to create the life around you.
  8. Thank all the help you received, and will receive. Thank the universe as well. Feel the unbounded Love of the Universe while it will help you, as it has your back in whatever you do. You are not creating alone, you are creating with the whole universe. The more your creation is for the good for all beings, the stronger it will be aligned with wishes of others, and therefore backed by the universe. But even wishes for our own individual good are backed by the universe.
  9. Observe and pay attention to events as they unfold. Learn. As life unfolds, pay every now and then attention to what you asked for and what is happening now. Did you get some of the things you asked? Did you overlook something important, while “making the order”? What was missing, and how to improve on the visualization? How to visualize something that you want and that is good for you?

On the usefulness of prior inner work

Personally, I have done 10 years of active, conscious internal work to clarify my inner world, to become conscious of my emotions, internal habits, programs learned and inherited, or those carried from previous lives. I have healed wounds, deleted old programs, and released stuck emotions. I have made space within. I have contacted my inner self, acquainted with the light within. I’ve began receiving help from sources that I do not know with ordinary mind. I have resolved internal conflicts and integrated my being gradually to gain a more stable view of what my own will is.

In my case, I consider this inner work completely essential step before creating with full power. Consider, for a second, what happens if one has internal conflicts: One day I am in one state, with a particular personality, emotional dynamics, wants and wishes. And I create life events starting from those. The next day, my state is different, my personality, needs, wishes and so on are slightly or even radically different. And then I create life events from those wants. These things materialize in the real world, but they are in conflict – they take me to different directions. Let us say in one state I invited in my life a companion that suits that half of me. And the next day, I absolutely do not want a companion at all.  Even if a companion materializes, the inner conflict will alternately pull him in or push him away, Now this is an example from my life – it is not fun for either party.

Figuring out the internal conflicts and resolving them is essential if one wishes to have a harmonious experience in this world. The end result might be a compromise, a middle way, or a combination that satisfies part of the time the needs of one party and the next day, the needs of the other.  This is no different than resolving conflicts in the outer world: First you need to hear and understand the needs of all parties. Then figure out if all of these needs are true, necessary, or are they pains of old wounds that could also be healed to gain more freedom in the negotiations. Or re they aperhaps stuck programs, habits of the mind that do not reflect the real wishes of either party, and which would be best to let go.  Finally, a solution that is at least acceptable to all parties may be found.  If one of the parties is not heard properly, to the core self, an imbalanced solution may be created. Due to suppressing part of the Self, over time it will lead to increasing unhappiness. An illness or some form, or an eruption of the suppressed energy is a likely outcome in such a case. So, pay attention to the totality of who you are, when choosing what to create.  And if you get it wrong, focus on step nine, learn, and create a better outcome next time!

As an example, consider the needs for both being without a companion and having a certain type of companion. What type of creative intention could be the middle ground, where both needs become satisfied? At first it looks impossible. But in fact, the solution is this: having a relationship contains frequent “alone time”. If there is co-habitation, it must be only part-time. This could materialize as living in different apartments, cities, even countries. The reality always finds a solution – when doing a creation, one does not worry about HOW the solution will be found. Just describing the essentials, all the combined needs of all parties, in sufficient detail is fine. Let the universe figure out the rest.

Words of caution

If you make a powerful wish that stems from a wounded state within you, it still has every chance of materializing. For example, if you are in a state of martyrdom, and create something from that state, you may create life events where you end up acting as a martyr. This might entail very difficult and taxing life circumstances for yourself. Nevertheless, these may serve your highest good, as living through what you just created will make you notice that you create from a wounded state, not from a healed state.  For these reasons, it may be wise to start consciously creating quite small and concrete things. With practice, you will get good at creating things you like. Then it is a great idea to step up the game and extend to creating bigger outcomes.

Secondly, every powerful creation starts a process. Specifically, it is a process of transformation that takes you towards the materialization of whatever you created. If this requires a cleansing process or inner work on your part, then that is what will start to happen.  By creating the end result, you also do create the causes for the materialization of the end result.  So be careful what you ask for, as you might get it – and whatever is necessary to cause it!  A famous example was a man who wished to have patience. As the answer, “god” sent him some pretty taxing circumstances where he did start to learn patience.   In this case, the god is within – we are the creators, in collaboration with the whole universe. Just be careful out there, and in there, as you are truly responsible for whatever you create!

Trump as a mirror

Currently we are watching Donald Trump as he prepares to be a president. We look at him, his actions and his demeanor. We see how he treats people who oppose him. We watch how he is with his emotions. It appears that he is simply reacting and expressing them, with no apparent attempt at hiding or controlling them. For some people, the lack of hiding emotions is a form of honesty. There is very little apparent mask: all is visible as it is, even the basest aspects of human mind. For others, however, watching Trump causes a lot of cringing. Many feel appalled, outraged, and distraught. And judge him.

How does judgement feel? Is it a happy state? Does it bring joy to one’s day? Is it a fruitful state for working? Does that state of mind bring happiness with loved ones? Of course not. It is mostly a state of  suffering. There might be some enjoyment, though: judgement may also imply a feeling of superiority. Superiority, then, is a form of gratification of the Self: I am better than that person. And that can feel pretty good. Who would not like to be better than the next person? Even more fun if that someone is immensely successful. Hey, I am a better person than the president-elect of USA. That makes me pretty good, right? And it feels great to be a good person compared to someone in power.

But at the end of the day, the gratification is short-lived. Just when we are feeling good, someone blunders in the traffic and we get angry, and retort something stupid. And then we feel as a lousy person. It is a form of suffering to be thrown about in these states of mind. So, is there any alternative? Surely one cannot just be happy when mean things, or disrespectful things are said by a person in power. We would like to be able to respect our leaders. To look up to them. To see our best qualities in them. If we have a leader who is near-perfect, then surely we are pretty close to perfect as well?

But instead, the mirror that now faces us is far from perfect. Yes, a mirror. The president-elect mirrors us our own qualities.  At first we may be appalled that he even reveals his emotions, by acting them out. Aren’t you supposed to hide them? Mostly, however, we are reacting to the emotions and actions themselves. We cannot really stand looking at all that ugliness. It triggers so much emotion in us, and we don’t want to get those emotions triggered.

Strong reactions, such as anger, being appalled, or disgust, are a sign, a red flag to pay attention to. At first it appears that we are reacting to something that exist outside, in the world. However, most of our emotional responses are re-enactment of something old. It is as if a program starts.

We are generally unaware of these programs within us. They only become apparent when they repeatedly appear in our life in ways that create unhappiness. So, with every emotional reaction we need to ask: Did my emotional reaction lead me to a better place? Was I able to live a fuller, happier, more fruitful life because of it? If the answer is YES, the emotion was appropriate to the situation. But if it was NO, then it is an old program, not an situation-appropriate response, and we would be better off without it. The mirror of life shows us the programs of our own mind. The mirror is there, but do we have the skill and presence of mind to observe it?

What good is a mirror if we cannot change the reality that it reflects?

Fortunately, when we bring our hidden qualities to consciousness, already this act diminishes their power. Often these qualities are something we consider as negative traits – which is exactly the reason that we hid them in the first place. They were hidden, but life has a tendency to bring everything hidden to the surface. The hidden in us wishes to be revealed. It guides us to circumstances where we will experience a mirror that reflects us back to ourselves. Sometimes the mirror needs to be an exaggerating one – otherwise the small details would not be seen. Trump is that kind of a mirror. He exaggerates some of our worse qualities, so that by reacting to them, we may become more conscious of ourselves.

How can this moment be turned into one that makes a difference? We cannot really change anyone else but ourselves. Everybody is at the same predicament. We would like to change Trump, or our boss, or our spouse. But in the end we have only power to change ourselves.

Working with judgement

Self-forgiveness
Self-Forgiveness (unnamed painting by Anna-Mari Valopaasi, 2017)

Judging someone is a form of saying that they are not good enough. Not worthy, not worthy of respect, not worthy of love. Or that they should be punished for whatever the error, imperfection or evil was that they did. Retribution may be demanded. Grace is not allowed. It is a form of inner tension. Judgement creates tension also in relationships. It is not conducive to love. How to let go of it? How to release that inner tension that causes the judgement program to run, over and over again?

Recognizing the Judge within

Judge is one who does not forgive. It points at the person who is in error, who has wronged, or made a mistake, and judge. They stand on a high horse. Visualize the Judge, and see that this Judge is actually part of you, an inner state in you that every now and then surfaces to react to things within and to things outside of you. It is ok to have a Judge within you -many of us do. But it is not a happy life, living with a Judge inside. Not happy for oneself, and not happy for those around who from time to time get to experience the Judge. Perhaps one’s marriage or work relationship or friendship would be happier if that Judge were less prominent.

For those who wish to work to diminish the power and frequency of the Judge appearing, here is a practice that I offer. It has worked wonders for me.

The release

First, let your body relax.

Create a safe space for working with your mind, with whatever are your own means of creating safety. For some, it is a prayer to some divinity, to the Unity, to Universal Love, Oneness etc, depending on your own path. I usually request that whatever happens is for my highest good, and for the highest good of all beings. This can be considered as a request that I make to my own multidimensional mind, the totality of it. In addition, I ask for all help, and allow all help that is for my highest good.

Then, let the mind relax, and be in a state of open awareness. Sink deeper into relaxation. Lying down at this stage may be a good idea.

Next, bring the Judge to the focus of consciousness. Ask gently that the Judge within comes forward. Bring also the issue being addressed. Be as specific as you can. List in your mind everything that you remember being judgemental about.

State to yourself: I forgive myself for everything that relates to this, including all its roots.  Then actually forgive yourself that act. Whether or not you have done the act, does not matter at all. Just forgive it anyway, as if it were in you. Try to imagine it in you, pinpoint it in you. Try also to make the forgiveness as real as possible. Forgiving is an act, not a thought.

Once you have forgiven yourself, forgive everybody else for the same thing.  Think of concrete people who you forgive, first. Next, extend it to everyone in general.

Finally, ask for Grace, and accept it, receive it.  Grace is there for the asking, and comes to all those who ask.

Thank yourself and any help that you received during this practice.

Unless you are a very forgiving person already, starting to forgive, even in your mind, is not very easy. It may be a good idea to start with an easy topic, a minor issue. Over time you may wish to apply this to more severe infringements. You may want to start paying attention to moments of being judgemental in everyday life. Was it the leadership of the country, the actions of the press, or perhaps the school system that triggered your judgement? Forgive that. Always forgive it first in yourself. You cannot forgive another person unless you forgive it first in yourself. Once it becomes a habit, you can practice this everywhere. Just the forgiveness part is good in itself.

Practice means that you get better over time, when you practice. You extend the muscles of your mind. This kind of results may then ensue: The actions that before triggered your judgement, do not trigger it any more. You can still see that they may be actions you do not choose nor work actively for. Or actions that you will oppose, with force if need be. But your anxiety related to them will reduce. Your life starts to get a little better. A little brighter, and more relaxed and happy.

Questions for pondering

Can you find judgement within yourself? How does it show in your life? What does it cause, or has caused in your life? How did you act in judgement of someone? What came out of it? Did it bring happiness?

Background

The basic notion of working with your emotions, and the importance of complete relaxation I have learned from Tara Rokpa Therapy and Tibetan Buddhist mind training practices. However, since I have only some basic understanding, I’m not qualified to teach their methods.

Forgiveness is one of the antidotes in the Ho’oponopono method of practicing with your mind – that is where I picked it up. I have not come by a good written sources, so I learned it from some videos, and then modified according to my own experiences. In addition to forgiveness, Ho’oponopono contains three other antidotes, namely love, compassion and thankfulness, which I have found useful when working with other emotions.

The rest of the practice I have put together over time from various sources. Creating a safe space is important for being able to relax, and to not be disturbed. Grace was something we discovered with a group of individuals, as necessary in certain situations involving judgement and bad deeds. Sometimes forgiveness just is not enough.

Lets discuss about the practice

Please write in the comment section!

Do you use this or some other related practices yourself?  What kind of results do you get? Have you observed benefit for your life, or the lives of others?

Do you perhaps teach such practices? Or do you know of research regarding such?