Creating the life you want

Professor of digital social science at Uni Helsinki

How do you create the life you want? There are an endless number of self-help books that try to answer this question. I haven’t read any of them. Still, here I will describe my understanding, based on my own experiences and no one else’s. To what extent this applies to others, I do not really know, but perhaps my experiences will help you in finding your own way of creating.

Here is how I do it, and how I progress in learning on how to do it. The list is borne out of years of trying different ways and observing the results. Based on how my life events are unfolding, and have been unfolding for the past years, I seem to be getting pretty good results pretty fast. In the past year, I have: started this blog, begun a new line of work as a healer/coach, founded the first company ever in my life, then begun as a university professor for the first time, as well as healed myself from appendicitis without having the prescribed operation. What a year!

And therefore it is time to share the experiences and see if these steps of creation can benefit you too. Enjoy! May this be for the benefit of all beings in all universes.

This post contains: The nine steps of creation, Explanation for each step, On the usefulness of prior inner work, and Words of caution.

The nine steps of creation

  1. Prepare good external and internal conditions for creating an optimal outcome.
  2. Ask all help that is for the highest good.
  3. Decide to let go of all opposition and resistance within, related to this creation.
  4. Intend, that whatever you create now, works towards the highest good for all beings.
  5. Visualize what you wish to create.
  6. Intend, that THIS is what I wish to create, while holding the coherent vision in your mind.
  7. Let go of your creation.
  8. Thank all the help you received, and will receive.
  9. Observe and pay attention to events as they unfold. Learn.

 

Krista with Al Pacino
Krista meeting Al Pacino in 2016

 

Ëxplanation for each step

  1. Prepare good external and internal conditions for creating an optimal outcome.
    Practical means of preparation might include: cleaning the physical space and making it comfortable, lighting a fire or a candle, and playing suitable music. Or having a good night’s sleep, taking a walk in the nature, having a wonderful, relaxing conversation with a friend. Regarding your state of mind, you may wish to center yourself, to be well seated within your own body, to bring all parts of you within the body, to clear, balance, stabilize all within you, and to contact your inner light at the center of your being. You might also wish to bless yourself, bless everyone you have been or will be in contact today, and bless the work that you are about to do here.
  2. Ask all help that is for the highest good.
    Highest good refers to events that work towards the optimal course for all beings. This is much more powerful request than asking for help from a specific source. At the same time the wish is protected by the phrase “for the highest good”: It rules out any self-serving “helpers” who do not act in your best interest. However, this request will only reach sources of help that you have a connection with, that are able to contact you. Working in a group of friends, a much wider variety of help will be available for creating any outcome. This makes group co-creations much more likely to work well than individual ones.
  3. Decide to let go of all opposition and resistance within, related to this creation. Do it: Let go! Repeat as long as necessary. Let go from all internal states: Visit consciously all internal states that you are aware of within yourself, and decide to let go of resistance towards this creation. For example, you can work this in terms of the Archetypes (do inner work to recognize your own archetypes): The Mother, the Father, the Child. Various wounded states might also include: The Victim, the Judge, the Perpetrator, the Thief, the Creator, the Starving, the Unseen one, the Unloved one, the Unaccepted one, the Masochist. Visit each state by deciding that you now seek to go to that state….then go there. Then decide to let go of all opposition and resistance towards this act of creation.
  4. Intend, that whatever you create now, works towards the highest good for all beings. Make a decision that you wish to create an event that is on the “optimal timeline” for all. Commit yourself to this, decide to work for the highest good of all beings.
  5. Visualize what you wish to create. Start with something small and concrete. For example: you might wish to create a visit from a long-lost friend, or a gathering of friends. This needs to be done without specifying a particular individual: you cannot cross free will of other Creators. So, make sure your Creation leaves enough space so that whoever is willing to answer your call for contact will answer it by choice. In particular, describe how the visit would feel: what good and pleasant qualities it would have. While doing this, if you recognize thoughts that are objections to whatever you wish to create, these objections are real obstacles. If you say within yourself “but this is not possible because this, that and those factors…” then likely the creation will fail. You are contradicting yourself while you create, your own “left hand” thinking destroys whatever you are building with the “right hand”. So, either find an outcome that you are able to agree upon within yourself, or apply any means you can to remove the contradictions from your mind before proceeding. Also phrasing your wish in negation, such as “there will be no quarrel” is an obstacle, because you are imagining a quarrel while visualizing the outcome. You might then get a quarrel – the “no” word does not make a difference. Instead, you might wish to imagine a harmonious, pleasant, lively, enriching and fulfilling meeting of friends, one that is joyous and will leave everyone uplifted spiritually and in a state of thorough emotional satisfaction.
  6. Intend, that THIS is what I wish to create, while holding the coherent vision in your mind. Make a point, for example stomp your foot on the ground to stress that this is it. I decide this. Remember, do not harm other beings. Asking for good things for yourself is perfectly fine. Asking for something that is good for you and for others, is the best choice. Asking for something that is good for others but forgets your own needs, is a recipe of slower or faster self-destruction. It cannot be on the optimal timeline. If you have trouble asking for good things for yourself, there is a reason. Work on finding and resolving it, healing it, letting go of it.
  7. Let go of your creation. Release it – do not hold onto it with your ordinary mind. It is no longer your job. Trying to control it will not help, it will prevent the vision from materializing. Trust the universe now, or trust the vast completeness of your Self that is much bigger than you realize. Trust your own intuition and the course of events that will proceed. You may at different points feel a natural, intuitive pull to act a certain way in a situation that will contribute to the materializing of your creation. Listen to these inner guidances and outer synchronities. Listen to the events in your life and gently let them float you beyond corners that you did not know of, did not see, towards the outcome you visualized. You have now prepared your own mind, its conscious and unconscious parts, towards the route that is likely to materialize whatever you wished. You have now used all your own gifts and talents and all the available help for this outcome. Whether it materializes as you wished or not, pay attention. Learn. Repeat to learn more about how your own mind works to create the life around you.
  8. Thank all the help you received, and will receive. Thank the universe as well. Feel the unbounded Love of the Universe while it will help you, as it has your back in whatever you do. You are not creating alone, you are creating with the whole universe. The more your creation is for the good for all beings, the stronger it will be aligned with wishes of others, and therefore backed by the universe. But even wishes for our own individual good are backed by the universe.
  9. Observe and pay attention to events as they unfold. Learn. As life unfolds, pay every now and then attention to what you asked for and what is happening now. Did you get some of the things you asked? Did you overlook something important, while “making the order”? What was missing, and how to improve on the visualization? How to visualize something that you want and that is good for you?

On the usefulness of prior inner work

Personally, I have done 10 years of active, conscious internal work to clarify my inner world, to become conscious of my emotions, internal habits, programs learned and inherited, or those carried from previous lives. I have healed wounds, deleted old programs, and released stuck emotions. I have made space within. I have contacted my inner self, acquainted with the light within. I’ve began receiving help from sources that I do not know with ordinary mind. I have resolved internal conflicts and integrated my being gradually to gain a more stable view of what my own will is.

In my case, I consider this inner work completely essential step before creating with full power. Consider, for a second, what happens if one has internal conflicts: One day I am in one state, with a particular personality, emotional dynamics, wants and wishes. And I create life events starting from those. The next day, my state is different, my personality, needs, wishes and so on are slightly or even radically different. And then I create life events from those wants. These things materialize in the real world, but they are in conflict – they take me to different directions. Let us say in one state I invited in my life a companion that suits that half of me. And the next day, I absolutely do not want a companion at all.  Even if a companion materializes, the inner conflict will alternately pull him in or push him away, Now this is an example from my life – it is not fun for either party.

Figuring out the internal conflicts and resolving them is essential if one wishes to have a harmonious experience in this world. The end result might be a compromise, a middle way, or a combination that satisfies part of the time the needs of one party and the next day, the needs of the other.  This is no different than resolving conflicts in the outer world: First you need to hear and understand the needs of all parties. Then figure out if all of these needs are true, necessary, or are they pains of old wounds that could also be healed to gain more freedom in the negotiations. Or re they aperhaps stuck programs, habits of the mind that do not reflect the real wishes of either party, and which would be best to let go.  Finally, a solution that is at least acceptable to all parties may be found.  If one of the parties is not heard properly, to the core self, an imbalanced solution may be created. Due to suppressing part of the Self, over time it will lead to increasing unhappiness. An illness or some form, or an eruption of the suppressed energy is a likely outcome in such a case. So, pay attention to the totality of who you are, when choosing what to create.  And if you get it wrong, focus on step nine, learn, and create a better outcome next time!

As an example, consider the needs for both being without a companion and having a certain type of companion. What type of creative intention could be the middle ground, where both needs become satisfied? At first it looks impossible. But in fact, the solution is this: having a relationship contains frequent “alone time”. If there is co-habitation, it must be only part-time. This could materialize as living in different apartments, cities, even countries. The reality always finds a solution – when doing a creation, one does not worry about HOW the solution will be found. Just describing the essentials, all the combined needs of all parties, in sufficient detail is fine. Let the universe figure out the rest.

Words of caution

If you make a powerful wish that stems from a wounded state within you, it still has every chance of materializing. For example, if you are in a state of martyrdom, and create something from that state, you may create life events where you end up acting as a martyr. This might entail very difficult and taxing life circumstances for yourself. Nevertheless, these may serve your highest good, as living through what you just created will make you notice that you create from a wounded state, not from a healed state.  For these reasons, it may be wise to start consciously creating quite small and concrete things. With practice, you will get good at creating things you like. Then it is a great idea to step up the game and extend to creating bigger outcomes.

Secondly, every powerful creation starts a process. Specifically, it is a process of transformation that takes you towards the materialization of whatever you created. If this requires a cleansing process or inner work on your part, then that is what will start to happen.  By creating the end result, you also do create the causes for the materialization of the end result.  So be careful what you ask for, as you might get it – and whatever is necessary to cause it!  A famous example was a man who wished to have patience. As the answer, “god” sent him some pretty taxing circumstances where he did start to learn patience.   In this case, the god is within – we are the creators, in collaboration with the whole universe. Just be careful out there, and in there, as you are truly responsible for whatever you create!

Learning to Be in the Now

Power of observation

Cool that you are reading this. I do not yet know who I am writing to. I am just writing the words that are given, as they flow through me. I am not planning this post. I do not know where it will go. I am curious to find out, though. Being present in exactly Now, with no plans, is actually pretty strange. I did not understand what that means at all, just a short while back. It sounded like a lot of theoretical thinking to me.

Now there is a pause in writing…I am kind of waiting….waiting to hear where the flow will take me next. I have an urge to try to plan this. My mind tries to take control. Oh, it knows so well to do that. To plan, to control, to manage, and to make everything look good. Respectable. In order. Of good quality. It is much easier to be in control and to plan ahead, than not be in control. Not know where the hell everything will go. Where will I go? What will I become? Is there any contribution to whatever I produce right now? I don’t know.

A pause, again. Again my mind tries to step in charge. It thinks it is getting the hang of the situation now, and seeing, wants to at least now jump in the head of the wagon. To actually make something out of this. Something respectable. Something worth while. Something, going somewhere. And again, I let go. It is an incessant practice. I get to practice this every day. The controlling part is so well practiced already. Knows its ways. Can manage, has proven efficient. Why then let go? A pause. Do I even know why to let go? A momentary fear: perhaps I don’t know. Why then am I writing this? The mind invents endless questions, worries, troubles, obstacles, and reasons Not To Let Go.

But I, the “big I”, persists. I let go again and again. It feels like the “Big I” is this loving and safe embrace, and the “I” that wants to be in control, is about a 3-year-old kid, who struggles to do stuff her way. Has a strong will too! Who am I really, in the middle of these two? I am both. My consciousness, my multidimensional mind, contains both of these states. Or these processes, as they are not just states. They are states, but yet they also contain dynamics, like processes or computer programs that can be activated precisely in that state. A particular program may be triggered in one of the states but not, perhaps, in another state.

Stuck again. A pause, and I am not sure where this will go. Usually, I would not write about the pauses. This time though, it is the process itself that I am writing about. Or this is how I interpret it now, after the fact.

The analytic mind

Our minds love to interpret what we experience. We invent a story of our life. We describe experiences in a certain way. These are all after the fact. When we experience in the Now, the experience is huge. In so many different ways, it is undescribable. Later, we remember some aspects of it, and build a story line, involving categorized events and event sequences. That is the sequential, analytic, logical mind.  In the now, there is the parallel, multidimensional mind.

Categories. Would we not be better off without them altogether? Categorizing people as black or white, or political views as right-wing/republican/conservative as opposed to left-wing/democrat/liberal does not do justice to the reality. Yet we create these categories. Then we make inferences and predictions based on these categorizations. The more a particular instance differs from the category prototype, the more likely the inferences will go haywire. But this is the way our mind works: it does an imperfect job of describing a very complex experience in just a few categories, and then forgets most of everything else it perceived. Most of the stuff we perceive, we never even become conscious of. We concentrate on the categories as if that in itself was our perception. It is not. We even fight over categories. We fight over where the category borders are. How to name them. How to describe what they are about. We write our laws referring to these categories. Such as ‘citizen’ and ‘immigrant’, and what are the criteria of belonging into one or the other.

A pause, again. It is frustrating – I still don’t know where this will go. I deliberately refuse to plan, to even guess. I am pretty confident, that if I try to plan this, it will not be as fresh as if I just stay in the present.

When we think in the logical, analytic, categorical mind, our mind works in the space of existing programs. The paths well trodden. Being there, we will create whatever has been seen before. We will create a repetition of what we have already observed. Perhaps it will be a somewhat novel combination of old stuff. But mostly, it will be an average of old experiences. That is the most likely outcome, when working in the analytic mind. It will find a ‘solution’ based on past experiences. But what if we wish to find something new? To take a road not yet taken? To invent something totally outside the box? Outside of all boxes that we ever saw? What good is it to take old paths, if you wish to find a new continent? Finding your way out of the categorical mind is the first, essential step of creating something. Letting go of control, of planning, of guessing the end result.

Yet, the need to be in control is strong. I’ve always been in control. I’ve controlled emotions, their expression, what I say so I don’t hurt, bother or alienate others. Controlled destiny, controlled in relationships, controlled others around me. It is very easy to be in control. And one can get very good at it too. Letting go is much more difficult. It is scary too. Where is there safety, if one is not in control? Isn’t being in control the ultimate and absolutely necessary part of being safe? For a while, it was. But then, kids happened. Kids are beyond expectations, beyond anything that can be controlled. Birth, giving birth, is outside of any kind of control. Actually, trying to be in control makes giving birth that much more difficult, painful, and longer-lasting. Being in control, and being in your own power are two very different things. Control is like the weak human behind a 6-pack of horses, somehow trying to hold their reins. Being in your own power, is being the horse. Being able to run yourself. Having all that power within you.

Rational or worth while?

I keep asking: is this text rational? My internal I answers, “No”. Well, is it worth anything? The answer is “Yes”. Being rational is about does it make sense analytically, is it well structured, organized, planned, in control, going somewhere. Worth something, is a question that relates to an outcome, a change, perhaps even existing in a state that is perceived as “good”, or “valuable”. Can we get to a better state? Perhaps. Some might. Then it is worth it to write this. Is it good for everyone reading it? No, not that. Being good to everyone is not really possible. You bow at some people, and show your butt at others (a Finnish saying). Try not to please, it will get nowhere. Is it worth while to me, to write this? Yes. I become more aware of myself, of processes within me, while writing this. Awareness is always good, and increasing awareness is worth while, always.

We are near the end, my internal observer tells me now. Great. I was getting tired. Were you? I still don’t know what the value of this text might be. Perhaps I might find out, later. And then, I might not. I take my chances. I decide to trust the internal flow that took me here. The internal observer who, when I turn to that part of myself, says that everything is good and OK and worth while exactly like this. And who loves me, just the way I am. In the middle of things, not understanding everything. Not knowing next steps. Not always making the right choices. That is OK, all of it is. We get to be here, and learn. That is great. That is amazing, actually. We don’t need to be ready now, or ready ever. We get to be not-ready, and still OK. Not-ready, and still get to do things. Try out, how does it feel if I do this? Oops, broke everything. Interesting. Now I know 🙂  There are words for this, I now recognize. Self-acceptance. Even self-love. Yeah, good words, for describing this experience. There was a time when I did not know what it is like to feel this. I am grateful and happy that I get to experience this now. Not having it different, would I now recognize that there is a difference? Of course not. I needed to experience lack of self-love and lack of self-acceptance, to know what self-love means. If there is just one kind of experience, with no differentiation, is it really an experience? We need to experience both ends, light and dark, to even recognize light. Thanks for the dark, now it is time for some light!

P.S.

Before I have the courage to post this, I am scared. I am scared, that despite all the flow moments, and the guidance, it will go awry in some way. I check again from my greater I: Is this OK? Am I OK as this, also? Yes. I am still OK just as I Am. No need to be anything, anything “more”, anything fancier, anything more ready. I am this just in this moment. That is enough. I am safe, and loved, and perfectly fine. And so are you!